I hold no anger, I hold no resentment, and I hold no hatred for you.
In fact, I hold nothing but a heart full of both genuine concern and prayers for you; that one day you will acknowledge where you're at, and where you could have been given you decided not to make the choices you have, and continue to make. (both before and after me)
Everyone in this world is deserving of a good life, and everyone is given the equal opportunity to make it happen as well.
I believe in second chances...and I believe that everyone has the power to change. But change cannot be made if one simply does not want to, or does not see a problem with the actions they have choose to make...and thats where you have fallen.
I never belittled you for what you once were, I only encouraged and wanted more for you. I wanted you to want the same things I wanted, because in my heart I believed you were deserving of so much more than what you allowed yourself to have....I am sorry that you thought differently.
I have come to terms with the following:
-You can't force someone to want the same things you do, and you can't beg someone to change...they have to be willing. If they are not, you will end up not only exhausted from trying, but constantly disappointed as well.
-Verbal abuse hurts. Words spoken in anger were still words spoken, and that is not justifiable.
-People are not projects to be fixed. We are adults. We have all endured challenges, its life, but those challenges should not be used as excuses either.
-Words are simply that, words. Empty promises. Actions are where you should put your trust.
-Hatred, bitterness, and regret will get you nowhere but unhappiness within yourself. Life happens, things don't always work out, but I choose to put my energy toward positive prospects instead. I will use this, amongst everything else I've experienced in life, as a way of learning and growing...rather than an excuse to dig myself into a hole.
It's easy to get caught up in the fast life...but for me, it was also exhausting to live in every day. Empty friendships, long nights, drugs, and money not so well spent...it means nothing at the end of the day; at least for me it didn't. If this is the life you choose to live, and are happy with...I do not shame you, or look down on you for it. Everyone wants different things in life and I will not sit here and tell everyone how they should or shouldn't live, I am simply putting my personal thoughts and feelings into words. But if you find yourself feeling the way I was in this lifestyle, I hope you have the power to start over again.
On that note, I will end this here.
I had no real direction that I was going with this post...I simply wanted to put the thoughts racing through my mind into words.
Heres to mistakes made, lessons learned, and the enjoyable times we once shared. You personally were not a mistake, but a stepping stone to get me to where I need to go. I myself am a work in progress but this I acknowledge, this I hold myself to...and for that I will move forward, and continue to grow and become a better version of myself not only for me, but for my future as well.
Thank you for all the things you've done for me unintentionally, you were the wake up call I didn't know I needed.
-xoxo Jessica
