Balance

As I sit here at 8am on this beautiful Wednesday morning drinking my coffee, I have come to a new realization.

Balance is everything.

Over this last year, I have reinvented myself in ways I never sought possible, in ways that I am so proud of and will never go back on. But also in this last year I feel like I lost a little bit of me; the me that gets drunk off her ass and dances and sings around the living room with my best friends at 2am, the me that kisses a boy and thinks about nothing other than that simple moment, the me that sleeps in past 6am, and the me that could eat shitty food without feeling guilty immediately afterward.

Now I realize this can sound like I've lost nothing other than bad aspects of my former self, which I myself use to believe, but in these last few weeks, I have come to realize that balance is everything.

It's okay to get drunk and have fun as long as it's not a daily thing or something I'm dependent on.

It's okay to sleep the entire day away sometimes, 5am will always be there.

& it's okay to eat the damn pizza, wings, and burger...even if it's not cheat day.

I am 19 (20 in 8 days) for fucks sake, these are the years I want to look back on and laugh at.

I was forced to grow up too fast, and got too caught up in "adulting" that I forgot that regardless of the bills, work, and responsibilities ...I'm still a kid, and I'm allowed to do what I've been skipping out on in this last year without apologizing or feeling guilty.

The key to what I am saying is balance. I have a steady and good paying job, I live on my own, have my own car, and pay all my own bills...I have money in my savings and goals in mind, these are things I will never stray away from and things that I will always be proud of for accomplishing at such a young age. I think part of my issue lied in the fact that my dad is a drunk, and I was borderline an alcoholic in high school, so I grew this correlation in my head that if I drank alcohol or had fun a few nights a week, I would turn out like my father...which isn't the case.

So heres to me turning over a new leaf and living life for the enjoyment of me.

Here's to finally feeling myself again.

Here's to sometimes slightly stupid decisions, sleepless nights, and memories I can laugh at in 5 years.

Here's to finally being young.

And here's to those who helped me to get to this point.

I was feeling stuck, empty, and pretty damn depressed over this last month or so, and these last 2 weeks have brought me back to life.

I am happy to be happy again.