For over a year now I have been single. In this last year I have discovered more about myself and the things that I find truly important when it comes to not only relationships, but people in general. I have grown and learned so much as an individual with everything I've gone through. I now have a clear image of the man that I find ideal for myself, and I refuse to settle for anything less than this. This last year has brought me so much self-discovery, self-love, emotional reflection and healing, and knowledge about relationships and love. While still growing and learning, I feel as though I now have a pretty good insight on healthy and happy relationships, something I lacked for so long.
This is what I crave....
I crave conversation. Deep, meaningful, and intellectual conversation. I want to know about your past, the worst of the worst, the things you find important, your family, religion, hobbies, and views on everything. Communication is so important to me. REAL conversation...not just some bullshit "wyd tonight" text.
I crave intimacy, in the simplest of ways. Not sex. Holding hands, forehead kisses, massages, playing with my hair, rubbing your finger on my cheek, hugs from behind...the simple things. To me this is intimacy, and this is what makes me feel important. Anyone can lay down and fuck someone, and I am not just anybody.
I crave to feel important. I want to be the woman you text at 7am with plans for the day, not the one you hit up at 10pm and see if I wanna come over. I'm tired of being a generation that makes dating so casual. Make effort towards the people you love or find important, every single day...it keeps them around.
I crave chivalry. It's not dead, it's only dead to those who settle for not having it. I want my doors held open for me, I want to be picked up, I want flowers, I want hand written love letters, I want it all. And I won't settle for a man who can't give those things to me. It's not that I am not capable myself, it's the fact of the matter. I am your woman, act like it.
I crave quality time. I want more than just casual 'hang out's'. Is this fine every once and a while? OF COURSE, sometimes I want nothing more than to cuddle on the couch and watch shitty movies, but this isn't all I want. I want real dates, I want beach days, I want to watch sunrises, travel, adventure, and live life. I want to constantly be doing new things together and making memories that are worth something more than just getting drunk every night.
I crave true love. I want a love that can be felt without having to have sex. If you can't love me without getting in my pants, hit the road. I want someone who knows how to love me for my mind and my soul...not just my body. Once you know how to love my soul, thats when you'll know how to make love to my body, and thats when you are worthy of it...until then, I will wait...because I know very well that I am worth it..
I crave acts of service. If you have read the book 'The 5 Love Languages' you know what I am referring to. I recommend everyone reading this book if you have not already. I truly feel as if it has changed how I love and approach relationships entirely. It is so important to know not only what makes you feel loved, but also what makes your PARTNER feel loved, because its different for everyone. For me, acts of service is one of them. Coming home to a clean house after working a double, running a candle lit bath for me when I'm not feeling good, switching over the laundry cause I forgot to before I left for work....it could be the smallest things. Simply, just someone who thinks of me, and does things to help make my life easier is what I crave.
I crave acceptance. I've gone through a lot of shit in my life, I've done a lot of stupid things, and I've struggled with a lot of stuff that some people find very hard to understand. I want someone I can be open with about these struggles, someone who can simply know the worst parts of me, and still love me the same, if not more.
I am going to go ahead and wrap this post up here. Here is just a little insight on the things that I personally crave when it comes to a relationship. Like I said, it's different for everyone, and I'm positive that not everyone agrees with what I have said, and that's okay! We're not all meant to think and feel the same way. What are some of the things that make you feel loved? What are things that you crave in a relationship? Reflect on these questions, and write your answers down...and next time someone shows interest in you, make sure they are checking off every damn item on your list. DO NOT SETTLE, because there is someone out there willing to give you everything you crave, and things you didn't even know you did.
XOXO, Jessica
**I would also like to give a quick disclaimer. I feel as though this post may be interpreted by some as me just being a needy woman who wants to take and take from a man, which is far from the truth. I give wholeheartedly when I am committed to someone (I'm a cancer, it's what we do). When I am being given what I need from a man, I reciprocate that effort times 10. I will give you everything you need, and more. But for me to want to give this kind of effort, I need to have my needs met as well.
