That's the hardest part, isn't is? Realizing the man you thought was your forever, actually isn't?
We come up with all these ideas in our head of how we are going to be together forever, how perfect our children are going to be, how we're going to have that white picket fence, perfect, conventional, happy family like in the movies. We're going take on the world together. We're going see the world together.
But...then it hits you. After one too many fights, one too many sleepness nights filled with tears, wondering where he's at, or what he's doing, or who's he with. It's in that moment, you realize that this isn't what you want. This isn't how you want your life to be...that maybe, he isn't the one. It's a hard pill to swallow. but it's also a necessary one.
Like I mentioned in my previous blog post, it's not the act of breaking up that is the hard part for most, it's the actual act of moving forward after a breakup that's the difficult part. I see it constantly with people. They want to get out of a crappy, or simply dissatisfying relationship...go a week or so without the person, and realize they don't want to be alone and merely go right back to the same crappy relationship with the same crappy person....actually, scratch that. I shouldn't say crappy person. A relationship can simply be shitty, without them being a shitty person. It's not always mistreatment, cruelty, and anger that ends relationships...it can be caused by a lack of similar interests, lack of communication. or simply not being able to 'mesh' well with that other person. It doesn't make us crappy people for not being able to work together. It's life.
I was with a guy for a year, and in that single year I learned more about relationships and what I want out of a man, than I did in my 18 years of life up until that point. I know I may be young (19 now)...but I feel like I have a pretty good insight on relationships, simply from being surrounded by terrible ones my entire life.
I can tell you this much, there is NO ONE, let alone any man, that should make you feel inferior or 'less than'. We are all worth the simple act of being valued, and cherished. If someone acts like they don't care about you, it's because they don't. It's as simple as that. We don't hurt the ones we love. So quit justifying a man's inability to love you, and instead...walk away. Realize that you deserve more, and act upon that harsh realization instead of bitching about it to your friends.
Here's a small list of some simple, very attainable traits that I have discovered are important to me in a partner:
1. He cares enough to ask about my day, my childhood, how I slept, my family...etc.
2. He knows how I like my coffee
3. He respects that I need my space and alone time
4. He calls...screw the damn good morning text
5. He doesn't belittle what makes me happy, or what I'm passionate about
6. He appreciates that I enjoy looking good rather than making me feel guilty for taking a little extra time to get ready in the mornings
7. He does things for me without me having to ask (ex: I worked all day and didn't have time to fold the laundry, so he does it knowing I'll be exhausted when I get home, without me asking)
8. Flowers. There is simply no greater sign of affection to me than flowers.
9. He encourages me to become better, without making me feel bad for the person I am today
10. He gets along well with my family. My family will always come first, and if they don't like you...well, boy bye
Those are just a few of the more simple attributions that I personally seek out in a partner. I think it's important to know what you value in a relationship, it makes it a lot easier to see if someone is worthy of you or if you're simply settling for half-ass love....don't ever lower your standards, for anyone! Write them down and use them as a check list; if a man doesn't fulfill 100% of the things on your list, don't waste your time. This doesn't mean go and try 'fix' this person either, if someone can't satisfy you by simply being themselves, don't go trying to change them. Love is not meant to be mediocre. Learn to find comfort in being alone and I promise you, what I am telling you will become very easy.
I feel like this post is becoming very scattered and all over the place...direct reflection of my thoughts I'll tell you that much, so I'm going to go ahead and wrap this post up by saying this; Keep your standards high, and your head held high. Don't become discouraged if months pass and you can't seem to meet the right man. Good things take time, but I promise you'll be thankful you were patient.
"When a man complains about a woman's standards being too high, it is usually because he is use to dealing with woman who have none."
