Self Love.
It's one of the most powerful tools you can ever possess in this life. It's also one of the hardest things to achieve for some.
To look in the mirror and be happy with what you see. To walk away from any relationship that doesn't serve you anymore. To buy yourself flowers. To sing on the top of your lungs on the drive to work by yourself....to simply make yourself happy. It seems almost unattainable to some. I felt the same way at one point in my life.
I use to have the exact opposite of self love for myself, actually...I hated myself. I hated the actions I chose to make. I hated my personal image. I hated the way I treated people...I hated myself so much that I physically inflicted pain upon myself. And for what purpose? What was I looking for in all this chaos? Honestly, I couldn't tell you....but I clearly wasn't searching for happiness.
Years ago, if you told me where I would be right now mentally and emotionally, in this very moment...I wouldn't believe you. I didn't use to think this kind of happiness that I radiate, or this kind of pure and genuine love that I have for myself was ever obtainable. especially for someone like me. Someone that use to cry themselves to sleep daily, someone who took a razor to their skin to feel better, someone who drowned themselves in alcohol, and looked for their happiness in constant one-night stands. But something changed....and that something was my attitude.
After years of self loathing, and petty for myself, I decided I was done, I was exhausted. Hating yourself takes a lot more energy out of you than loving yourself does, I promise. And that was it. Almost 4 years ago to the date (February 1st 2014 to be exact) I put down the razor, and I have yet to pick it up since then. From that moment I decided I needed to be the change I wished to see in my life. It wasn't going to fall into my lap, and I knew it was going to take some major work. I, fortunately enough, had a very easy time quitting self harm. But for some, its a much more difficult battle...but please, never stop fighting; because the view from the other side is simply amazing. And never...I repeat, NEVER, be afraid to ask for help.
When I graduated high school (June 2015), that was when the major changes began to happen. Two days after I graduated, I moved away from everything and everyone I knew. I got on a plane and never looked back. I slowly cut down on my drinking habits, and now...I drink once, maybe twice (if i'm feeling wild) every 6-7 weeks. Now i'm not saying drinking is a reflection of self hate, because it's not...but when it becomes the main source of your happiness, that's when it becomes an issue.
Fast forward in time to March of 2016 when I moved to Florida. I'm not going to get into all the details of my reasons for moving, I'll address this in later blog posts when they correlate more with my overall topic...but in short, I moved here for a guy who I was 'so in love with' (so I thought) at the time. I put emphasis on 'at the time' because looking back on it, it was never love. And if he happens to be reading this post at any point in time...sorry bud, but you fucking sucked. It's amazing how blind love can make a person. I see it all the time; but this particular relationship has molded me so much into the woman I've always strived to be...that I know I will never allow myself to be so vulnerable and co-dependent on someone ever again. Don't settle. Value yourself enough to walk away from any relationship that no longer serves you. A relationship shouldn't be exhausting, it shouldn't be forced, and it shouldn't make you feel trapped. If you can't be your true self, and if you can't see a future together...it's time to let it go.
Letting go seems to be the hardest part for most, not the actual act of 'breaking up'...because there is a difference. Breaking up is taking away the title and obligations of a relationship. Letting go is accepting what isn't meant to be, and truly moving forward from it...without being that 'crazy ex' that we've all dealt with at some point in time. It's detaching yourself from that person; and this is where most people fail. They go the first week or so being okay, and then it's right back into their routine, half-ass, mediocre relationship. Love yourself enough to realize you deserve more than mediocre.
At the end of the day, everything comes back to your ability of being able to love yourself. Knowing your worth, and loving who you are is going to reflect the types of people you attract. You will attract those with a strong sense of their own being, rather than ones who seek out vulnerable people with no sense of worth. You won't be afraid of being alone. You will smile at strangers. You will buy your damn self flowers because you deserve it. You won't waste your valuable time trying to prove to anyone as to why they should choose you, because there is someone out there that will see it without you having to explain a thing. You'll radiate happiness, love, and energy. You'll be glowing. It's just a matter of taking the leap. It's not going to happen over night, but just like anything in life...practice makes (almost) perfect.
Love yourself, because you are worth it.
xoxo, Jessica
